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First off, I don't really rant in blogs. I don't vent out my anger and my frustrations over the internet. Emotions like happiness or sadness and the likes, oo. But anger? nah. or maybe sometimes. but never the scorching anger kind of type. So, if you are reading this, or intend to read it, bear with me. *deep breaths muna. baka ako ma-hypertesion*
Now. I am not angry. I am frustrated. Like very frustrated. Minutes ago, I was so in the mood. I attended a press conference (at Annabel's restaurant) where I ate a lot (like eat-all-you-can-no-one-will-stop-you kind), got a free "My Child Matters" baller and T-shirt, and learned a lot about childhood cancer here in the Philippines and why Filipinos should be aware of it. I even got the chance to finish watching "No Reservations" and halfway of "Ratatouille" during the back and forth trips. I was so much in the mood that I even started writing the news about the press conference. I planned to post that article here so that other poeple will know about cancer in children. But no. I got distracted. So much so that I can't focus and I can't think of what to write. (I'll still post the article, just not today coz I know I can't finish it with this state I am in. Maybe by Monday.)
I'm just so frustrated. So f*****g frustrated! DAMN! I don't know what really frustrates me though. Is it the prospect of not going somewhere over the weekend? Not spending good times? Not seeing people? Or is it because other disturbing thoughts at the back of my mind are finally finding the chance to come out in the open and make me think about them. *I pity my keyboard*
Come to think of it, I don't have the right to rant. I am in a far better situation than other people. And yet, I can't help to not to. I know, there are a lot of factors to consider and all. It's just taht I really wanted this weekend to happen like it should. I really wanted this break. I want it. I need it. Badly. And it's hard. Thinking that you have set aside all other things just to make way for it. That you have been excited since you were told. That you have been thinking and imagining about it so much that you want the work days to end. That you have been talking about it. That you are so f*****g excited that you just couldn't hide it. That you're energy and happiness level is reaching it's maximun only to dive to its deepest yet. And yes, there remains that thought that maybe it'll push through. That maybe it will happen. That maybe, people will realize how one could possibly feel. That after breaking the news and spreading another one, it will be okay again.
But no. It doesn't work that way. It doesn't just become okay. You don't easily get back from down under to sky-high. It ain't that easy. You will go. Because you wanted to. You'll still be there. But it wouldn't be the same. You don't have the adrenalin rush anymore. You're not pumped-up and loaded. Instead, you're upset. Frustrated. Disappointed. Not just because of other people. Because of yourself. Because you let your excitement and expectations get you. And maybe, that is what really frustrates me.
This is me. Welcome to my world.
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Come to think of it, I don't have the right to rant. I am in a far better situation than other people. And yet, I can't help to not to. I know, there are a lot of factors to consider and all. 
